Gender Benders – When a name can go either way

If you recieved the above-pictured birth announcement, would you call your friend to congratulated them on the birth of the son? Their daughter? Or would you remain neutral and say baby? (image provided by Lindsay Brewda of Grace Announcements).

When I was writing the lyrics for Name Your Tune I took special care that every song, every mention, was gender neutral so that little boys and little girls named Jordan could have the same set of personalized songs.  You see, we don’t have a box to check off that asks if Skylar is a boy or a girl, we knew the trends were moving in that direction and they have been for some time.   It didn’t occur to me until last month when Jessica Simpson named her daughter, that I would ever question whether to use my “boy” or “girl” giftwrap for Maxwell Drew.

I saw the Twitter stream explode with the news that this much-anticipated baby girl had been born…and then, given a boy’s name. Interesting, I thought. It’s not the usual gender-mixing of names that I see often. Then it occurred to me that my daughter’s middle name is James, to honour my grandfather, just like my brother’s son.  Following the breaking news a little further and deeper revealed the meaning behind her choice: Maxwell is her husband’s middle name and Drew is her mother’s maiden name.  So it has meaning for the new parents and their families and this little girl named Maxwell will grow up knowing that she was named after people that she loves and that love her.  I’m going to predict that Maxwell Drew will go through her life encountering looks and comments of surprise when she arrives at an appointment or a meeting and they were expecting a boy or a man.  She’ll get used to it or it will frustrate her. That will be up to her. You see, that is always the burden and the gift of our name.

Sometimes the spelling of a name will give clues to the gender of the bearer such as spelling Sidney (boy) or Sydney (girl), Cameron (boy) or Camryn (girl), Charlie (boy) and Charlee (girl). But those sneaky and once-though clever y’s, double e’s and silent h’s don’t always give it away. Sometimes they make it even more blurry.

While Maxwell Drew assuredly is the most uncommon gender-bender I’ve come across, I’ve put together a list of other names assures me that I made the right decision to go gender-neutral for Name Your Tune and that make me go to my box of giftwrap with multi-coloured polkadots instead of flowers:

  1. Jordan
  2. Quinn
  3. Ryan
  4. Taylor
  5. Riley
  6. Rowan
  7. Morgan
  8. Payton
  9. Jamie
  10. Emery
  11. Teagan
  12. Avery
  13. Logan
  14. Sydney
  15. Finley
  16. Jayden
  17. Emerson
  18. Charlie
  19. Dani
  20. Mackenzie
  21. Devon
  22. Harley
  23. Casey
  24. Spencer
  25. Corey

There are two things that always come to mind when I think about these gender benders.

My favourite gender bender story is that of the (male) Enlgish writer, Evelyn Waugh.  He married Eveyln Garnder and when she took his surname, they were both Evelyn Waugh. Their friends called them “He-velyn” and “She-velyn”.

Then there’s this, “A Boy Named Sue”, by Johnny Cash. A little known fact about this song: It was written by Shel Silverstein. Here are some of the lyrics.

My daddy left home when I was three

And he didn’t leave much to ma and me

Just this old guitar and an empty bottle of booze.

Now, I don’t blame him cause he run and hid

But the meanest thing that he ever did

Was before he left, he went and named me “Sue.”

 

Well, he must o’ thought that is quite a joke

And it got a lot of laughs from a’ lots of folk,

It seems I had to fight my whole life through.

Some gal would giggle and I’d get red

And some guy’d laugh and I’d bust his head,

I tell ya, life ain’t easy for a boy named “Sue.”

Well, I grew up quick and I grew up mean,

My fist got hard and my wits got keen,

I’d roam from town to town to hide my shame.

The story of “A Boy Named Sue” and the follow up from the father’s perspective that Shel Silverstien wrote years later, “The Father of A Boy Named Sue”, illustrates that the name was given in hopes that Sue would grow up to be strong and tough – the antithesis of the feminine name.

Did you give you child a gender-bender of a name? What was your motivation?

 

Originally published at Yummy Mummy Club

Name Dropping with The Bachelorette’s Trista Sutter

I love names that are unique when they hold special meaning. I recently sought out Trista Sutter, of The Bachelor and  The Bachelorette, to talk names. Trista was the runner-up on the first season of The Bachelor and was the first Bachelorette the following year. Ryan was the lucky guy to win her heart on the popular reality show and the two are happily married with two children, Maxwell and Blakesley, living in Vail, Colorado.  While finding your spouse on a TV reality show is not the most conventional, you’ll find that Trista and Ryan honour tradition in building their family and life together.

Candace:  Let’s start with you…Trista is an unusual name. Tell me how your parents chose it for you and why. Did you love it or loathe it growing up? Did your feelings about it change or grow as you grew up?

Trista: They actually just saw it in a baby book and liked it…as unspecial as that sounds.  :)  I was okay with it.  Of course I got lots of nicknames, and I never got to just buy a magnet or cup or preprinted name off those silly displays at gift stores.  I was okay with it, but definitely learned to love its uniqueness more, the more I got older.

Candace:  Maxwell Alston – what a great name. When I look it at it looks cool, powerful and serious all at the same time. Can you tell what went into choosing it for him. Is there special meaning or honor behind it?

Trista: Ryan and I both loved Maxwell from the get-go of name planning.  Alston is Ryan’s father’s middle name as well as his great great (maybe another great) grandfather’s name and we both wanted to honor our families through the kids names.

Candace:  Blakesley Grace – you know I love this. Can you tell me the story and how it felt to give her your mother’s name? Does Grace come from something special too?

Trista: Ever since I was little, I wanted to include the name “Rose” in one of my children’s names.  My mother’s name is Roseanne and my grandmother’s name is Rosemary.  The only name that Ryan REALLY liked for a girl was Grace.  We didn’t think that Grace Rose or Rose Grace sounded that great together, so in the interest of letting Ryan have the name he absolutely loved, I put more thought into it.  I really wanted to honor my side of the family, since we had honored Ryan’s by naming our son, Maxwell Alston, and one day was just throwing around names and stuck on Blakesley Grace.  We both thought it sounded perfect together.  Many people love the name, especially when they learn that it was my mother’s maiden name, but many were outspoken (and actually pretty cruel) about their dislike for it.  No matter what any critics say, we think it’s beautiful and I am thrilled to be able to honor my mom.

Candace:  Did you and Ryan agree on the names? What was the process of choosing and deciding for you?

Trista: We did. We couldn’t have gone about naming our children until we both truly loved the names, and luckily we did.

Candace: I’ve been having some great conversations with people about taking your husband’s surname when you got married. A lively dialogue on Facebook earlier this week. You took Ryan’s name. Was it an easy decision or did you debate it?

Trista: Even though I was married on television, I am very traditional in terms of that sort of thing and knew from my days as a little girl that I wanted to take on the name of the man that I married.  I love the romance and honor of it and I actually like Trista Sutter better than Trista Rehn. (Sorry dad!).

 

Originally published at Yummy Mummy Club